Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home. "
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
True friends are like Diamonds... they are real and rare. False friends are like leaves... they are scattered everywhere.